A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
