Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
