i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
