Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
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My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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