Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
