Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
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I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
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I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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