Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
