I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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