I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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