i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
