Pregnant stripper...not hot.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
