my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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