His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
