I think I died a long time ago.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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