My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
