He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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