If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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