DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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