Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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