You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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