they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
