Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
