Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
