she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
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I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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