but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
