He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
