who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
