stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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