Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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