OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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