I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
