She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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