Where is the hickey?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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