The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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