just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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