when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
