We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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