So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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