would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
