She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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