as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
