haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
