Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
