it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
