it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
