I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
