best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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