Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
