Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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