oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
