Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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