shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
