whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
