i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
sex in a hospital.. check
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
