hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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