Princesses don't give blow jobs
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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