why didn't you poke me back
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
