me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
