i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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