you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
