Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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