All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
