Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Randomize
