Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
