Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
