You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
