someone threw a dead crab at me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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