I wanna passion pit in your ass
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
