im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
