Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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