And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
